I am sorry

I am sorry that I am not like everyone else.... I am in a bad mood these days...

(Listen to the song: "Asleep" with The Smiths, while you read)


1. I am sorry



“Maybe Not Bob”
What is that for a name?
It is weird. Until a few days ago, I did not know what it was.
When my friend asked me, if I could join, I said, that I did not know what is was. The look I got, made me feel stupid.
I am sorry, that I am not one of the popular kids, who is being invited to everything.
I am sorry.


“A wobbly ass”
Today was the first time I heard that expression. And it came from my sister. It was directed to me. She said that if you were to hit me in the ass, it would hurt me more than it would hurt her, because I had a big fat wobbly ass.
Even though she might have said it as a joke, it still hurt.
I am sorry, that I am not skinny. 
I am sorry that I am not like those girls in the magazines.
I am sorry if I eat too much, even though that I am starving myself.
I am sorry.


“How do you spell that?”
I asked a simple question. No one can know everything. And the answer I got?
“Seriously? I thought you were the one, that has English on A-level?”
But he told me how to spell it. I did not know that I had to be good at everything. That I had to be perfect.
I am sorry, that I do not know how every word in the world is spelled.
I am sorry that I had to ask you for help.
I am sorry that I did not know.
I will try better next time.
I am sorry.


“What are you listening to?”
And I told her. She wanted to listen. I let her.
“Ew. How can you listen to that? You do not even know what they are singing”
That hurt a bit.
I listen to what she wants to listen to. And I do not complain. I do not criticize.
I do not force her to listen to the same that I do. When we are together, I always let her decide.
I am sorry that I do not share your taste in music.
I am sorry that I do not listen to the same bands as you.
I am sorry.


“That hat is embarrassing”
My hat? It was a gift from my best friend. I love it.
I know she does not like my taste in clothes.
But why does she keep asking me, if what she is wearing is pretty?
I am sorry that I do not wear Snapbacks, or clothes from Quintess.
I am sorry that I make you feel embarrassed, when you are with me.
I am sorry.


I am different.
I am not like everyone else.
I have flaws.
I am not perfect.
I am me.
I am not the skinny girl on the cover of Vouge.
I am not the beautiful popular girl, who all the boys want to be with.
I am not the smartest girl on the school.
I do not have the same taste in music, as the most people have.


I am me.
I am different.
Do I have to change?
For the sake of others?
Do I?
I want people to like me, for who I am.
Not for the person, that I am trying to be.
I have the right to be me.
And everyone else has that right too.


They have the right to be who they want to be.
Then why do they keep trying to change me?

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