AT LEAST NOT Yet

I wanted to give up. But in a way I couldn't. I had him, and in all that confusion something suddenly, SOMEHOW, made sense. Although, that wasn't the end of those conflicts though. I still had them, he just helped me forget about them for a little while.

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1. AT LEAST NOT Yet

I wake up in a pile of sweat

Running from the demons roaring in my head

One bad thought follows the next

I spend sleepless nights wishing I was dead

 

The waves of crashing thoughts come swing

Trying to hold onto the little things

But lately something’s changed

It doesn’t feel right to live a life unhinged

 

Crawling through a splintered surface

Seems like demons are taking names

Throwing down all the shades

Can’t quite come clean

At least not yet

 

The void somedays calls me

Louder than other days before

But I brush myself off

Put my head up

I can’t get sucked in

At least not yet

 

The wonderful unexplainable

Enchanted speechless words

Reaching through air for something that isn’t there

At least not yet

 

Holding onto that last breath

I can’t breathe

At least not yet

 

To find the bottom of this bottomless pool

Another world to make ours with you

But something stops me mid way

Air in my lungs begging to stay

I can’t search deeper

At least not yet

 

But maybe I could

What could stop me

Those who told me I’d never become something

Are those the roars of demons I fear

The ones who know not what they stear

The love of life in circles deep

It’s not their place to control me

So I’ll dive deep again

Until I find the end

Nothing controls my fate but me

So, not it’s not at least not yet

It’s now, it’s time

I’m ready for it

 

 

 

Acknowledgments: 

This is dedicated to a friend of mine, although we aren't that close, part of this was written by him. The rest I took into my own hands, and had a little fun with it to say the least. This is also inspired by the guy that I love and all the waves of feelings sinewed into our relationship. I dedicate this as well, to myself. To myself and the people who made me who I am, and those who said I was the type of person to never give up. This as well is dedicated to those who needed to hear it. Your fate is your own. Giving up doesn't have to be an option. You control the options. You control your life. To my friend, and to my love, I write in inspiration of you. 

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